A Voice From The Shadow

Today's subject is one that I have been considering addressing for some time, and did partly, in a previous post.  I have been reluctant because it is intensely personal for me, but a recent event convinced me it is time to speak up.

In the grip of the demon again

Far from joy

Close to the end

Examine and describe the ugly

The wretched

The walking dead

Smiles are memories

This now crushes

This now blinds

Even in the light I am but a blink away

The words are mine.
They seem a bit odd today.  Embarrassing. The really bad days are gone now, I hope for good. But the words are also a bit scary, because I know they came from deep inside of me.

Which me today

Shell or sunshine

Love or landmine

Do I choose or am I driven

How can they both be me

Which one reality

It's a cliche, but I know of no other way to describe it.
It's a shadow.
But I also know it's a shadow I cast on myself.

Standing at the edge

The top of the slide

Corkscrew down

If I drop my guard I go for the ride

Step over here

Look from the other side

I think my way there

When no exit can be seen

She reminds me I’m not really there

There's a hint at some of the solution there. At least for me.

If you love me like I think

You hide the suffering well

I must put you in purgatory

When I’m in my hell

Will you keep waiting for me to emerge

From the shadows I walk through

Can you breath for the both of us

Can you be sane for two

The right days are wonderful

But too few

From the darkness I can barely remember them

And the wonder that is you

Every situation is different, but professionals will tell you that interacting with others is key to our mental health.  I know it's not easy.  When I was down, the last thing I wanted to do was to be around anyone.  But I also found that interacting with people was exactly the thing that helped me most consistently.

But mainly, know this:
You are not alone. 
You are loved. 
You have no idea how many lives you touch and how many people would be devastated by your loss. Even people you have never met.
If I made it, you can too.


If you need help and don't know where to start, write to me.  I will help.  


If you feel like you need to talk to someone right now, call The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-TALK(8255)

You are not alone. 

You are loved.